Thursday, May 21, 2009

Three Wolf Moon!!

Three Wolf Moon!!

So according to, there's been an outbreak of hilariously snarky reviews on over this T-shirt. Samples include

"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark."

As well as:

"I accidentally spilled a glass of Tuscan Whole Milk down the front of this shirt, and my soul was torn from my body and thrown into heaven by a jealous God."

45 of 49 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Proper care and feeding of your three wolves, May 19, 2009
By Mr. Crumbles (USA) - See all my reviews
It's a Tuesday afternoon, and you walk from your single-wide to the mailbox to discover your new three wolves t-shirt has arrived. Your heart skips a beat; it's time for the chicks and vision quests to start pouring in. So you rip open the package, throw it on, and await your destiny, right?


I've seen too many three wolves t-shirts put down unnecessarily at the hands of owners who did not fully understand their needs. Wolf t-shirts are unlike any other garment you've ever owned. The ownership experience can be extremely rewarding, but it carries responsibilities. Here are the three most important things to know about these remarkable t-shirts.

1. You are the wolf pack leader. This is most important, so I'll repeat it: You are the wolf pack leader. You must gain the respect as alpha wolf before you can safely put on this t-shirt. At mealtime, the alpha wolf eats first, then his subordinates. The same thing goes for bathtime. Before you put the shirt in the washing machine the wolves have to see YOU bathe first. Using the same washing machine is ideal, but a shower or bathtub can work just as well.

2. You must respect your three wolves' natural diet. This should include plenty of corn chips, slurpies, and hot pockets. Feeding should be done on the couch while watching television (it relaxes them). Fallen crumbs that hit your large, protruding belly should be enough, but your wolves will definitely appreciate a dropped chicken wing every now and then. Just try not to spoil them. Other than water, their bodies can only handle cheap, low-quality canned beer. Nothing imported, ever.

3. These t-shirts are very territorial. Even though you may have established yourself as pack leader, in their minds the three wolves are still above everything else in your closet. This means you cannot wear anything over or under the t-shirt. Not even a wifebeater. Nice-looking pants can make them nervous, so you're best sticking with something like oversized jeans, preferably tattered with lots of holes. This should minimize the chances of your wolves becoming jealous. Otherwise, if you want to play it completely safe, a pair of boxers or briefs without pants should pose the wolves no threat.

Now that you've read these guidelines, you're ready to become a responsible three wolves t-shirt owner. Get ready, it's going to change your life.

Okay, Okay, I'll stop! But Do check this link out before the owners take it down. And Vange, you might want to use the bathroom before you look at this. Hey, I'm just saying.

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